DIAGRAM :: Jennessa Hester

2 POEMS

Jennessa Hester

TRAPPERS' RENDEZVOUS

Trading, trading, trading
at Harvey County, Kansas
since 1977.

Knives are the currency
of young boys

and father, forever
the salesman, hands you
a Walmart sack stuffed with whittlers
all folded into cheap
nylon fiber handles, blades
concealed by visions
of eagles screeching

of does at calm unaware
how soon their skin will split
from the stinging touch
of clearance bin steel.

(keep / trade)

With knife in hand
you can always assume the sale

for once a boy feels
the promise of blood trickling
through the grooves of his
palm his tiny palm a furor
wakes beneath his fragile bones
and that child will trade anything
to cut his creature loose
upon the world

so you may pluck his
translucent Crazy Bones, his
Billy Hatcher (+ Egg), his soft
Spyro the Dragon plush
and whatever else remains
from the wreckage of his infancy.

(keep / trade)

III

Knives beget knives as
men beget men the violence breeds

at the Trappers' Rendezvous
bartering becomes itself a trade
war where the only thing worth
as much as a blade
is yet another blade

yes, by midday
at the Trappers' Rendezvous
you can rest assured
that twenty pocket knives will score
      · a vintage key shank
        of rusted gold,
        fake, shaped like Donald Duck
        riding a Benz or

     · a big ass Harley
       Davidson folding knife,
       commemorative, held aloft
       by a plain plastic stand or

     · a stainless steel butterfly
       Benchmade, black blade
       officially banned from camp
       for the dangers it holds
       (so make sure to keep it
       a secret).

(keep / trade)

A boy can only love
a knife by cutting himself

open piercing
ear to hark
the dry thud of tomahawk
steel as it strikes the base
of a wine barrel and the chatter
of children as they peddle weapons
along the hardened sludge
trails of Kansas slitting
hand so that the crimson of his body
might coil into the Quivira cotton
wood bleaching bark
with boyish tracks
before dripping
to the snow below

you will trade for anything
to abate the boy to keep
his blade at bay

so when a group of scouts pass by
pawning off a rusted shopping cart,
Aldi's brand, wheels pleading for oil
you know what you must do.

(keep / trade)

You find out the hard way
that a man will never trust a boy
without a knife in his hand.

(quest failed)

END

The troop packs up the trailer
shoving aside gear boxes and propane tanks
to make room for your empty
old shopping cart.

You watch as the rear doors slam
shut. From this angle, the dead
space seems so much larger than you
ever thought possible.

DRAGON PATROL, CALL THE MEETING TO ORDER

Scouts, attention!		Rise from church pew, stiffen to silence.
Color guard, attention!		Shoulders back, chest up, chin out, eyes front.
Color guard, advance!		Grip pole firmly, clutch to chest, pace, two, three, four.
Color guard, halt!		Stop in place, feet flat on ground, do not turn around.
Present the colors!		Approach Scoutmate, turn out flag edge, unfold lengthwise.
Post the colors!		Attach flag to pole, slip into metal stand.
Scouts, salute!		Extend three fingers on right hand, palm out, bring to forehead.
Pledge of Allegiance.		Loud and proud, profess love for God and country.
To.		Break salute, lower arm, hold at side.
Color guard, recover!		Turn toward exit, pace, two, three, four.
Color guard, halt!		Stop in place. Eyes on passage leading to narthex— and beyond, wide glass doors overlooking forest shade. Consider, once again, fleeing to the underbrush. Consider, once again, how easy it would be with all they've taught you—
Color guard?		Sharp pang in legs. Guilt carves up your calves, thighs as a whittling knife chucks through basswood. Slowly, with incredible effort, break gaze from escape route. Turn around and join rank with other dragons.
Scout Oath!		Raise right hand, fingers up, palm out. Mime words in breathless repose. Eyes front. No tears.
Scout Law!		Think. This is not how Scouts act. You are loyal, obedient.
Scout Motto!		Boys do not run, they serve.
Scout Slogan!		You will serve.
At ease.

These poems are part of a larger collection about my experiences as a trans girl forced to participate in the Boy Scouts of America. "Trappers' Rendezvous" focuses on a real gathering that happens each year in Kansas, where boys get together and barter goods with each other. The poem's structure was inspired by the trading quests found in games like The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. "Dragon Patrol…" replicates the official protocol used to call a scout meeting to order, and takes place in the church my troop would host its meetings in.