[ToC]

 

STORY PROBLEMS

Charles Jensen

 

 

22. THE SPACE RACE, CONT.

Voyager 2's only task is to observe. It has traveled to places humans could once only imagine, then could only see through powerful telescopes. Voyager 2 carries within it—I'll just say it—a great deal of humankind's hope. The Mozart, the messages. The greatest achievements in human history like music and optimism. It's a beautiful thing the way we cast it away from Earth and into oblivion. What a brave soldier it is. The only testament we have from both science and faith.

Quiz on this section:

  1. You have just moved to a new town. Role play the way you introduce yourself to your new neighbors.
  2. Do we become more or less optimistic the more we learn about the universe?
  3. What will happen when the universe stops expanding?
  4. What will happen to you when the universe stops expanding?

 

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27. THE PROGNOSIS WAS NEVER GOOD

I never envied my mother more than when I saw her liberated from her own expectations, when she was terminal. I remember as a child thinking she was perfect, then thinking she was flawed when I'd grown out of it. I sprained my ankle when I was three—how is not important. But for weeks after she had to carry me everywhere, plopped on her hip. I was a miserable kid. I think that's why we loved each other.

Quiz on this section:

  1. What is your earliest memory of physical injury?
  2. If you could be any animal, living or extinct, what would it be and why?
  3. Why is the narrator thinking of his childhood in this passage?
  4. Why does regret taste like vinegar?

 

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30. THE PAST

It's already too late when you discover you have done things that cannot be undone. The past is real to us but exists behind a scrim through which our bodies cannot pass. Because we cannot change the past, we can only change ourselves. We are not a sum total of our lived (and imagined) experiences, are we? (Someone check on that.) What's in the past can stay buried there, but like all zombies it won't stay buried for long. Some people think the past wants to consume our brains, and I'd agree with that. I'd like to add the past is also very deaf.

Quiz on this section:

  1. What is more regrettable: asking someone their most regretted memory or hearing their honest reply?
  2. If you could change one thing about your past, what would it be and why?
  3. List the names of all the boys you should have kissed, and the reasons why you didn't.
  4. What is your biggest disappointment? Bonus points if that event is still to come.

 

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32. PARABLE OF THE WHALE

At midlife I drowned in myself. Imagine I am a sea of experiences, memories, hopes, desires. You cannot stop the whale that lives inside. So I went like Jonah into the whale, or like Pinocchio—yes, just a boy, really—a victim, I lit a fire there, it was so dark inside. And the whale I knew was made of muscle and bone I generated by every choice I ever made. I could not get out of the whale. I could not get out of myself. If this is what you call a "crisis."

Quiz on this section:

  1. Why is masculinity such a meaningless performance?
  2. With what fuel did the narrator start the fire in this passage? (Hint: his tongue)
  3. Where are the emergency exits located?
  4. [Intentionally left blank]

 

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34. THE UNKNOWN UNKNOWNS

No one really knows what lies beyond the solar system, so that's why the twin voyagers were launched. It took nearly 40 years to reach the farthest reaches of the known universe and now they are moving into uncharted territory. In 2025, they will no longer have the energy to power a single instrument, the way a sick, old body might shut down, system by system, leaving the brain and heart for last. The body is programmed to persevere. Even though it knows it's sailing toward oblivion.

Quiz on this section:

  1. Articulate three distinct differences between bodies and machines.
  2. Do you fear sentient robots? Why not?
  3. Explain what Voyager 1 will discover in 2019. Use diagrams.
  4. Calculate the day and time of your own death using Voyager's formula.

 

 

 

 

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This long poem is designed to help the reader understand if s/he is having, has had, or will have a midlife crisis, and what types of thoughts, experiences, and examinations can be associated with that experience. I was inspired by something I read online about the condition: "There is no treatment for a midlife crisis just as there is no treatment for adolescence." The form of a high school exam felt like the right technique for this exploration.